Category: relationships

anxiety, lifestyle, mental health, relationships

8 effective tips to manage stress as a bride-to-be

by lisa4 Comments on 8 effective tips to manage stress as a bride-to-be
8 effective tips to manage stress as a bride-to-be

If you follow me on Instagram or have communicated with me in the last 10 months or so, you know that I was in the midst of planning my wedding. My now-husband Bobby (husband, AH!) and I got married on Saturday, March 30, 2019. And yes, it was the most magical day of our lives. 🙂

We are definitely still processing all of the emotions from the big day, but we have taken the time to reflect on the outpouring of love and joy we felt on Saturday, and still feel in this moment. Shout out to every single person who celebrated with us – WE LOVE YOU!

While our wedding day was something out of a fairy tale, it’d be unfair to all of us if I didn’t say that both Bobby and I feel relieved that it’s over. In the moment, we didn’t want the night to end, but now that the wedding is behind us, we are both so content and noticeably more relaxed. It’s a great feeling!

Photo by Karla Korn Photography

I’d like to think I was a pretty chill bride-to-be for most of the planning process (or at least I tell myself that, LOL). But about two weeks out, I finally learned firsthand that the term “bridezilla” exists for a reason … Planning a wedding + processing the fact that you’re getting married is OVERWHELMING to say the least. In fact, marriage was listed in the top most stressful life changes by Inc., coming in at No. 7.

The final few weeks leading up to the big day are filled with the little details piling up, family coming into town, finalizing the day-of itinerary, and more. Throw in my full-time job, worrywart tendencies and natural anxiety, and let’s just say I was a hot mess. I definitely had a handful of panic-stricken moments and even a few sleepless nights.

But when the day arrived, I was surprisingly calm and genuinely excited for the event ahead of us. I did my best to be as in-the-moment as possible and to embrace this beautiful time in our lives.

Your wedding day should be enjoyable … And not just for the guests! So, if you are in this chapter of your life, congratulations! Here are the 8 things I learned throughout this process that will help to manage your stress levels and allow you to have some fun on your big day:

  1. Hire a wedding planner/coordinator. I cannot emphasize this enough – HIRE. A. WEDDING. PLANNER. Our planner made all the difference on our wedding day. We didn’t even have to think about the flow of the event, the decor, or if our guests were happy and taken care of. She did all of that! Our planner also guided our decision making throughout the process, as she has put on hundreds of successful weddings.
  2. Don’t wedding plan right before bed. I learned this one late in the game, after a few sleepless nights in a row. About a month out, I was coming home from work and would dive right into wedding-related details, like the seating chart or the reception playlist. And while these are relatively fun things to work on, I could not calm my mind in order to fall asleep afterward (and we all know I need my sleep). I recommend setting aside time to wedding plan, like weekend mornings with a big cup of coffee!
  3. Discover what truly matters to you and prioritize those things. This sounds simple, but it took me awhile to figure out what I should really focus on. The flowers? Eh, I knew I wanted sunflowers and neutral colors, but that was really all I knew. I trusted my florist and she did an amazing job! Believing in the professionals we hired, such as our florist, photographer and wedding planner, to do their jobs, allowed Bobby and I to focus on what really mattered – like the food, of course! We met with our caterers multiple times and were able to customize the menu exactly to our liking. It was perfect!
  4. Put yourself first. Everyone knows someone who has been married, and has seen this or that at a wedding … And you will hear about this and that throughout planning, trust me! Definitely take into consideration input from family and friends, but ultimately, remind yourself that this day is about you and your partner-to-be. Put your wants and needs first!
  5. Include your partner in the planning process. I definitely did most of the work when it came to the wedding decor and color palette, but I made sure to keep Bobby in-the-know throughout the time leading up to the wedding. He was a big help with the guest list, seating chart and ceremony playlist, among other things. Making sure we were both happy with those details is super important, too!
  6. Do your best to let go of the details that are out of your control. I started checking the weather more than two weeks out, and I even Googled “average temperatures in Jupiter, FL, on March 30“. I was driving myself NUTS and my anxiety was through the roof over it! Shout out to my Bridal Party for getting me out of my own head and letting nature do its thing. Our weather was PERFECT (and even if it wasn’t, our wedding planner had a foolproof Plan B).
  7. Don’t crash diet. Please just don’t. You are perfect and beautiful exactly how you are! It made me miserable and more stressed than ever trying to add on calorie-counting to my to-do list (which I already knew wasn’t a good idea). Stay hydrated, eat your veggies, get your sleep, and you’ll be good to go!
  8. When the day comes, let the mistakes go and simply enjoy it. Let me tell you – something will go wrong. Our DJ played the wrong song as I walked down the aisle AND my dress strap broke during the dance with my dad (my wedding planner sewed it back together!). But in the end, none of that mattered. We still had the time of our lives!

If you are planning a wedding, you are bound to feel the pressure of this life event and all the details that go along with it. So, I’m here for you when you get to that point!

Here are some more pictures from our big day from the amazing Karla Korn.

Cheers!

xoxo,

Lisa

anxiety, mental health, relationships

how to navigate anxiety in your relationship

by lisa5 Comments on how to navigate anxiety in your relationship
how to navigate anxiety in your relationship

getting intimate with the role anxiety plays in relationships

Anxiety has a way of finding its way into everything –relationships included. This not only affects the person who lives with an anxiety disorder, but their significant other, too.

Some common relationship woes for those who struggle with anxiety include feeling dependent (*girl-raising-hand emoji*), overreacting to certain situations, letting insecurity takeover, and feeling fearful or defensive all too often. [1]

As a soon-to-be bride (March 2019, I see you!), navigating my anxiety disorders in my current relationship has proven to be crucial to our development as a couple and as individuals. All relationships take work, but when one (or both!) of you deal with regular anxiety, there’s a little bit of extra work you have to put in on a daily basis. Because no one ever said marriage was easy, right? 🙂

Before I dive into the steps that have helped me navigate myanxiety in my current relationship, I want to note that it takes being with the right person for this to be successful. I’m beyond grateful for my patient,understanding and supportive fiancé, Bobby. Love ya, babe!

With that, here are the steps we have taken in order to not let my anxiety and panic takeover our relationship.

  1. Educate yourself and your partner. First thing’s first – educate yourself. I encourage you to learn as much as you can about your anxiety/mental health disorder, including what triggers you and what helps you. Knowledge is power here. I highly recommend therapy, as a professional can definitely guide you in the right direction and help you find some answers. Once you know more, you can communicate your feelings to your significant other and work together on how you can better each other. I ask so many questions in my therapy sessions, and it allows me to understand my reactions and my ways. Also, my therapist recently recommended The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, and that has taught me even more!
  2. Open up. This is a friendly reminder that you, your anxiety and your emotions are not a burden. These feelings may not be something you feel comfortable sharing early-on in your relationship and that’s totally OK (although, I did tell my fiancé on our first date that I was super needy … Oops?). Regardless when you decide to do so, open up about your emotions and the struggles you face even if they feel like “too much” to you. The right partner will listen and do whatever they are capable of to support and to help you.
  3. Be patient. Figuring this out by yourself takes time and hard work – so, adding in another person into the equation…? Yeah, it ain’t easy. Remember that developing a healthy relationship is a process with ups and downs, as is learning and healing from a mental health disorder. Be patient with yourself, communicate with your significant other regularly, and know that it gets better.
  4. Have some fun! Not everything needs to focus on your symptoms or struggles – don’t forget to have some fun together! Laughter really is the best medicine, especially laughing with someone you love. My fiancé and I go to a new place each year and it’s something that brings us so much joy! Find something you and your partner love (well, besides each other) and make it a priority in your relationship.

Of course, every relationship is different. Some of my past relationships worsened my anxiety (cue all the worrisome questions like, “does he even like me?!”) and some, like my current one, have helped me to progress in my mental health journey.

From my experience, anxiety does not have to make or break your relationship. It can be a catalyst for personal growth as an individual and as a couple, and even strengthen your relationship.

Do you struggle with anxiety or constant worry in your relationship? If so, what have you tried to ease these struggles?

xoxo,

Lisa

Please note that I am not a mental health professional. Always seek the advice of your mental health professional or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition.

[1] https://www.verywellmind.com/generalized-anxiety-disorder-and-relationships-4129126