… because sometimes, I just want to write 🙂
Hello hello, friends! It’s been a solid 2+ months since I’ve written a blog post, and truthfully, I have mixed emotions about that.
Part of me is proud of myself for not forcing blog content and respecting the boundaries I had set with this platform, and another part of me is disappointed in de-prioritizing a passion of mine for the last couple of months. While I’m still figuring out my feelings, I can confidently say that I felt a strong urge to write today—the need to get some things off of my chest. So, without further ado, here are some anxiety-ridden thoughts and things that have been on my mind as fall approaches:
First things first: I feel trapped in an app … known as Instagram. Yet, I cannot seem to pull away.
A big part of my full-time job is managing a brand’s social media presence, and I really do enjoy it (most of the time): the creativity, the messaging, the relationship building, and the community all bring me joy in some way or another. Yet, when it comes to my own social media pages, I find myself measuring my worth by the growth rate of Instagram, judging myself by the number of likes my posts get, questioning if my message is resonating by how many times something is shared, and letting meaningless statistics affect my mood.
Taking a step back, I asked myself – do these numbers even matter?
Well, yes and no. In the bigger picture of life, the answer is no. But in this space, they do hold some weight for me. I want to know that people have a need for the content I’m creating. I want to know that people care about the mental health conversation. Bottom line: I want to be heard and I want to make an impact, and as much as it pains me to admit, these “meaningless” numbers indicate if I am or not.
So, each day I check Instagram to see—what my thoughts tell me—if anyone cares. Turns out, there are people that do … Even if it’s one person who gains something from my message, that is me making a positive difference—that is me living my dream. And for that, I am grateful.
I vow to myself and to anyone reading right now that I will no longer determine my worth from an app. I will acknowledge those nagging, negative thoughts, and allow them pass. I know I am so much more than my Instagram feed … and you are, too.
It’s probably time for me—for all of us—to s l o w down. Let’s recap a day-in-the-life for some of us:
- Working toward/maintaining a successful career
- Loving your partner
- Parenting child(ren)
- Caring for your pet(s)
- Visiting family
- Having fun with friends (what is a social life, again?)
- Taking care of yourself with enough sleep, kale, spin classes, and hydration
- Paying all of your bills on-time
- Remembering to get your oil changed (I really need to be better at this!)
- … Need I go on?
Our to-do lists are seriously overwhelming. I don’t know about you, but I feel this insane need to do it all—to get everything done, and done well. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that my Type-A, worrywart tendencies have a lot to do with this hyper focus on accomplishment, but I know I cannot be alone in this feeling.
Recently, I pushed a little too hard and my body fought back – literally. I was so sick that I was bed-ridden, and I am convinced some of that has to do with the stress I put on myself to do allllll of the things. Needless to say, strep throat + a killer sinus infection stopped me dead in my tracks. Still recovering now, but I know this is my body telling me something … And moving forward, I intend to listen!
While growing up can feel lonely at times, it has only emphasized the importance of family and quality friends. As I mentioned in my rant above, adulting is hard. My support system is more important than ever as each day goes by, and I intend to let them know how much they mean to me. Family is so important. Friends are truly the family you choose—hold on tight to the real ones.
My mantra for the month: “to know thyself”. Through all of these thoughts, feelings and experiences, I am learning who I am more and more each day. I’m learning what brings me joy and what brings me sadness. I’m learning the details and reasons for my anxiety triggers, and how to handle them when they arise. I’m learning to listen more and to talk less. I’m learning that kindness goes a long way, that life is not a competition, and truly, that everyone has their own story (and most people want to tell it).
I’m also learning that I love writing and I love this blog … And I’m grateful for every single one of you that is here.
That’s all she wrote … Until next month (or the following – who knows)!
Please note that I am not a mental health professional. Always seek the advice of your mental health professional or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition.